Dick of the Week

The Bullsheet has been revealing the worst people in the world each week since all the way back in 2014. Here are the past winners.

  • January 19, 2014Justin Bieber – For having tattoos, earrings, and smiling in his mug shot
  • January 26, 2014Georgia Governor Nathan Deal – For issuing a state of emergency for snow, not preparing for a snowstorm, and being from Georgia
  • February 2, 2014Bill O’Reilly – For asking stupid questions, believing he’s a good journalist, and having an apostrophe in his name
  • February 9, 2014Russian President Vladimir Putin – For thinking he doesn’t have to wear a shirt, not even smiling during his Olympics, and wearing jumpsuits
  • February 16, 2014Ted Nugent – For calling the President a “subhuman mongrel,” being a rock musician, and thinking his opinions actually matter
  • February 23, 2014Russian President Vladimir Putin* – For being homophobic, using the military offensively, and tricking us into thinking Russia is a nice place
  • March 2, 2014Congresswoman Michele Bachmann – For believing religious liberty is more important than equality, being a leader of the Tea Party, and not leaving Congress earlier
  • March 9, 2014Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin – For actually believing she predicted the current conflict between Russia and Ukraine, saying, “the only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke,” and ever leaving Alaska
  • March 23, 2014North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-un – For forcing all North Korean men to get the same ugly haircut, being an oppressive dictator, and thinking North Korea could defeat the United States in war
  • March 30, 2014Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant – For passing the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, just recently ratifying the 13th amendment, and being from a boring state
  • April 6, 2014Senator Mitch McConnell – For saying a bill to close the gender pay gap would, “hurt women,” not confessing his love for John McCain, and being a senator
  • April 13, 2014Australian Citizen Kimberley Davis – For texting while driving, hitting a cyclist and sending him to the hospital for months, then saying she doesn’t care because now she has to fix her car that “the cyclist hit”
  • April 20, 2014Georgia Governor Nathan Deal* – For signing the “guns everywhere law” allowing gun owners to carry them in any public space, signing the “guns everywhere law,” and most heinously, signing the “guns everywhere law”
  • September 8, 2014NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell – For failing to lead the NFL in appropriately responding to despicable actions
  • September 15, 2014English Prime Minister David Cameron – For Treating Scotland Like We Treat The Denisonian, but Not Having the Merit We Do
  • September 22, 2014Senator Ted Cruz – For Asking the Senate Not to do its Job Until the New Congress is Sworn In
  • September 29, 2014Former Secret Service Director Julia Pierson – For Failing to Maintain Adequate Security for the President on Several Occasions
  • October 6, 2014North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-un* – For disappearing in his oppressive country and overeating in his starving country
  • October 13, 2014CDC Director Tom Frieden – For failing to ensure adequate protection of health care workers
  • October 20, 2014University of North Carolina Administration – For Setting Lower Academic Standards for Student-Athletes
  • October 27, 2014New Jersey Governor Chris Christie – For Overreacting to the Threat of Ebola and Unnecessarily Quarantining a Nurse
  • November 3, 2014All State Redistricting Committees – For Gerrymandering Districts so None are Competitive Anymore
  • November 10, 2014Chinese President Xi Jinping – For Decreasing Air Pollution to Fool APEC Delegates like Cameras Don’t Exist
  • November 17, 2014House Speaker John Boehner – For Rebutting Obama’s Immigration Speech Before It Was Even Given and Not Leading
  • November 24, 2014Owners of Businesses Open on Thanksgiving – For Forcing Employees to Work on Thanksgiving
  • December 1, 2014Sean Hannity – For caring about cigarette tax more than fatal chokehold of black man by police
  • December 8, 2014Former Vice President Dick Cheney – For Supporting the CIA’s use of Torture to Obtain Essentially no Useful Information
  • December 15, 2014North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-un** – For Threatening Sony and the US because of a bad Comedy Movie

2014 Dick of the Year – North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-un

  • January 19, 2015Dennis Rodman – For refusing to believe North Korea hacked Sony, being friends with a dictator, and having two nose rings.
  • January 26, 2015David and Charles Koch – For pledging $889 million to campaigns, owning essentially everything, and lulling us into a false sense of security with a last name that reminds us of a soft drink we all love.
  • February 2, 2015Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant – For being Islamic extremists, murdering innocent people, and recruiting stupid people with Hollywood special effects.
  • February 9, 2015Kanye West – For being a rapper, thinking anyone cares about his opinion, and believing he is superior to other people.
  • February 16, 2015Oklahoma State Legislature – For trying to alter what students are taught about US History, seeking to punish any state employee who issues marriage licenses to same-sex couples, and governing a panhandle state.
  • February 23, 2015 – Senator Jim Inhofe – For denying the existence of climate change, throwing a snowball on the floor of the Senate, and being from a panhandle state.
  • March 2, 2015Mohammed Emwazi – For pretending to apologize to family to not ‘dishonor’ them, being a despicable human being, and being nicknamed John.
  • March 9, 2015Senator Tom Cotton – For authoring an open letter to Iran regarding the President’s nuclear deal, sharing a name with other white fuzzballs, and being from Arkansas.
  • March 16, 2015 – Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu – For speaking to Congress without a Presidential invitation, flipping on the Palestinian statehood issue after re-election, and being nicknamed Bibi.
  • March 23, 2015Senator Ted Cruz* – For thinking he’s eligible or capable of being president, announcing his campaign in front of a forced audience of students at a fake college, and being a delusional idiot.
  • March 30, 2015Indiana Governor Mike Pence – For signing a discriminatory law, thinking religious freedom is threatened, and calling his constituents Hoosiers.
  • April 6, 2015Senator Rand Paul – For thinking being rational and intelligent can earn him the Republican nomination, making his announcement too long, and lying about his toupee.
  • April 13, 2015Senator Marco Rubio – For compromising his integrity to satisfy crazy voters, having the same record as Obama and denying it, and being from Florida
  • August 30, 2015Rowan County, KY Clerk Kim Davis – For refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, defying a Supreme Court order, and having that hair.
  • September 6, 2015Apple CEO Tim Cook – For turning the iPad into a laptop, charging $100 for a pen, and not creating anything new anymore.
  • September 13, 2015Irving, TX Police Chief Larry Boyd – For arresting a kid for making a clock, interrogating him without his parents, and not apologizing for their mistake.
  • September 20, 2015Ex-Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn – For tampering with emissions tests, resigning but not admitting any wrong-doing, and sounding like a Bond villain.
  • September 27, 2015National Rifle Association – For completely ignoring the Oregon community college shooting, continuing to lobby politicians against gun control, and having very small penises.
  • October 4, 2015Dr. Ben Carson – For making idiotic comments about gun control, making an insensitive and wrong comment about the Holocaust, and constantly being half-asleep.
  • October 11, 2015Playboy Magazine – For removing nude photos from its print edition, taking away the one thing we can still masturbate to when the power goes out, and making its staff actually work on the articles now.
  • October 18, 2015South Carolina Representative Trey Gowdy – For pointlessly questioning Clinton for 11 hours, chairing yet another Benghazi political witch hunt, and wasting millions of taxpayer dollars.
  • October 25, 2015The Denisonian – For trying to tell DFS how to appeal to students, publishing an editorial without the author’s name, and continuing to suck.
  • November 1, 2015Dr. Ben Carson* – For lying about his past, criticizing the resulting media scrutiny, and continuing to be stupid.
  • November 8, 2015Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant* – For coordinating the horrific attacks in Paris, committing countless acts of senseless violence, and not being in hell already.
  • November 15, 2015Donald Drumpf – For considering a national Muslim database, agreeing that the US shouldn’t accept Syrian refugees, and having a platform of 0% knowledge and 100% pander.
  • November 22, 2015Owners of Businesses Open on Thanksgiving* – For not giving employees the day to spend with families, caring about negligible profits more than human kindness, and not getting the meaning of holiday.
  • November 29, 2015Senator Ted Cruz** – For refusing to admit that guns are part of the problem in the wake of the San Bernardino shooting, politicizing the issue by complaining Democrats are politicizing the issue, and not technically being allowed to be President.
  • December 6, 2015Donald Drumpf* – For proposing the ban of all Muslim immigrants from entering the US, having not read the first amendment, and making the shift from Limbaugh-esque to slightly Hitler-y.
  • December 13, 2015Former Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli – For being arrested on securities fraud charges, greedily hiking the price of an HIV drug, and having that smug face.

2015 Dick of the Year – Donald Drumpf

  • January 17, 2016Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin* – For giving incoherent speeches, thinking anyone cares what she has to say, and giving Alaska a bad name.
  • January 24, 2016Donald Drumpf** – For skipping a debate because he doesn’t like the moderator, claiming it wasn’t because of the moderator, and actually being the sane alternative to Ted Cruz.
  • January 31, 2016Senator Ted Cruz*** – For perpetuating false reports that Ben Carson dropped out, winning the Iowa caucuses, and making us think twice about Donald Drumpf.
  • February 7, 2016US Supreme Court – For blocking emissions regulations that are pending litigation, making it harder for the US to meet international emissions limits, and making a decision without ruling.
  • February 14, 2016  – Senator Mitch McConnell* – For suggesting the Senate not confirm a new Supreme Court justice until a new president is in office, ignoring the Constitution and not doing his job, and having that creepy-cute face.
  • February 21, 2016Wolf Blitzer – For moderating that travesty called a Republican Debate, allowing those idiots to make a mockery of our country like that, and for hosting a show on CNN.
  • February 28, 2016Senator Marco Rubio* – For reviving the joke about Donald Drumpf having small hands, implying that means he has a small penis, making Drumpf assure us it is not small, so now we’re all thinking about his penis.  Ew.
  • March 13, 2016Senator Mitch McConnell** – For refusing to even consider Obama’s Supreme Court nominee, a man he would happily confirm under normal circumstances, and continuing to ignore the Constitution.
  • March 20, 2016Najim Laachraoui – For making the bombs for both the Paris and Brussels attacks, and… need I give another fucking reason?
  • March 27, 2016North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory – For hastily signing anti-LGBT legislation, forcing people to use bathrooms matching their biological gender and banning local legislatures from passing anti-discrimination laws.
  • April 10, 2016Mother Jones – For publishing the story about Ted Cruz’s crusade against dildos which included his claim that there is no right to “stimulate one’s genitals” because we didn’t need to know that. He’s disgusting enough without that mental image. *vomits*
  • April 24, 2016Senator Ted Cruz**** – For announcing a running mate before the convention, despite the fact he won’t be the nominee, and his choice wasn’t even good.  Desperate and infuriatingly ignorant, Ted.

 

*Second Time Won

**Third Time Won

***Fourth Time Won

****Fifth Time Won

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